Passion

Crushed (Google Search: http://jayavictor.blogspot.com/2010/11/crushed-rose-petals.html)

~*~*~

Sleep has come a long way
From the doors closed upon it,
And the dancing snowflakes
Like fluttering memories
Drift over closed eyelids,
And I can no longer tell
Whether you are a dream
Or waking consciousness.

I want to suffer for you,
This passion I feel is endless,
I want to replace your tears
With drops of my blood,
Take your agony into my heart
And leave you with your bliss
Unharmed by sweet realities
I want to take that frown
And turn it upside down,
I just want to give
And take nothing in return.

I am awake now
Brutally aware of my existence,
Little escapes my senses,
Paper-cuts leave me empty
Yet I feel too much,
How many pages will I waste
With random marks in blue ink,
And this frigid world
Bids me to kneel with empty hands,
There is nowhere to run,
Nor anything to keep me here.

I can feel your warmth
Starting in the palm of my hands,
It is all that I care for
In this frozen life I live,
My passion burns with a fervor,
As it consumes me from inside,
I long to see your face
Though you are so far away,
Remember the sadness you took away
From the depths of my heart?
I long to hold it in my hands
And crush it.

~*~*~

A Vial of Tears

Capturing Tears (Image found via Google Image Search)

~*~*~

And I’m falling
Falling till I can’t feel anymore,
Falling till my senses fade,
Leaving me with nothing
Except the memories of laughter
That I gave up long ago.

Tainted by thorns,
I lie like a dream unrequited,
Encumbered by the weight of existence,
Hanging heavy over the tears
That refuse to choke my voice,
And I am waiting
For the blood to surface
So I can have my taste of pain.

Solitary confinement,
Two words tingling my tongue,
For it is all that I have come to desire
Over the seconds that fly by
Keeping me locked in
With a feeling of despair,
I want to fly to a far off place
To bid my time alone
Till I lay down to close my eyes forever.

The laughing voices echo
From the depths of my past
‘This sound that I gave up long ago
For a vial of tears
More precious than diamonds
That light the night sky.

No tears, no sounds,
No vials of madness
Can make my heart long
To wish for more
Than the alms given,
Mendicants cannot dream
To be Kings.

But the tears too have left me,
How unreliable they have been
What must I depend on next
To keep my clock ticking?
The folly of these tears
Will not be forgotten
As the subterfuge
Of those lost sounds
Pierce my memory sharply,
Emotions are tricksters.

The glass lies broken,
The content spilled
Across the floor,
The thistle has overgrown,
The roses have died,
The tears slipped
And escaped me,
The laughter is long gone,
I’m left with only apathy,
With which to pick up
The broken shards of glass.

~*~*~

Loneliness

Alone (Found via Google Image Search)

~*~*~

Loneliness crept up slowly, unheard,
Like the madness set out to take over a soul,
And before I knew it, I could feel it in my bones,
This maddening loneliness would not leave me alone.

I could feel it stronger in the midst of the crowd,
Many smiling faces, but none could touch my heart,
All I wanted to do was run away from the noise,
Where I could be alone and feel my solitary warmth.

Familiar faces  distanced me with their words,
Strangers became easier to speak to, if required,
And afternoons spent alone in my little hole,
Became the best time I had ever spent, always alone.

Dreams of distant lands came to me often,
Where not a face knew me except my anonymity,
And I’d have a smile on my face, a song in my heart,
For this loneliness would be my supreme birthright.

So I built a shell around me, bit by bit,
A shell to hide from me the harsh sunlight,
A shell unbreakable, a shell so tight,
To keep my solitary happiness to myself.

Oh this Solitude, ’tis a vicious feeling that digs deeper,
Becoming an unwanted guest refusing to leave,
Making its home in the heart and mind,
Like a virus, incurable, bringing with it a sickness which stays.

~*~*~

Words

~*~*~

As a child, I was always told,
Never to use the word “hate”,
For feelings of real hatred
Are always more vehement,
Than words we say in anger,
These words that sting like poison.

They forgot to tell me,
That the word “love”
Is much stronger when used,
And harsher when said in vain,
Especially if you are at
The receiving end, waiting.

~*~*~

The Art of Longing

Dead Rose

~*~*~

Sometimes you pine for what you’ve never had,
Sometimes you pine for what you’ve lost,
And cry rivers for unrequited love,
When you’ve lost more than what it cost.

Yet never do you learn to appreciate,
The wildflowers peeking through the cracks,
When red roses wilt, wither, and die, you mourn,
Though wildflowers strive to brighten up the track.

These roads leading to the walls of your heart
Can be tread by a select few,
Yet you never care to take the path,
Of one whose heart beats just for you.

And then you say there is no one in this world,
Who can stand by your side for life.
For the ones you would follow to the end,
Are the ones who left in the midst of strife.

So you pine for what you’ve never had,
You pine for what you’ve lost,
And continues this vicious mess,
Where you gain nothing more than loss.

~*~*~

 

Summer

Summer Wind

~*~*~

Summer has come and gone,
And the fragrance of these soft memories,
Hang heavy in the air.
Leaving traces of a life I once had,
Lingering on in the touch of your breath,
Fleeting, always fleeting, never to be caught,
These memories I have tried so hard to hang on to.

Memories, forgotten or destroyed.

~*~*~

False Promises

I recently watched a movie, Where the Wild Things Are, and I felt it was one of the most wonderful movies I’ve watched lately. Though it made me very sad, because somewhere I could relate to Max, except the ending, where he at least finds a reason to smile. Well, the following has been influenced a bit by the movie, though not completely.

Where the Wild Things Are

~*~*~

Today I feel unwanted, my eccentricity,
Pulling me down under the waves of life.
I am sorry, I couldn’t be better.

The waves of the ocean, so beautiful,
Glittering like diamonds lost,
Taking the weak, leaving the strong.

I tried to be the ruler of the world,
To take away all the sorrow and pain,
But I could awaken only false hopes and dreams.

The sands, coming from eroding stone,
Swirling in the yellow desert,
Until no sands are left at all.

I thought I could bring happiness into your life,
By building up a world for me and you,
A world you thought you could only dream of.

The mountains and rivers,
And boat rides down the hill,
It’s a beautiful world you wished to builid.

I tried hard, with you by my side,
To build up from scratch, this paradise,
Which was supposed to bury all the sadness and pain.

The owls go circling up overhead,
Giving advice when asked in seven words,
But I could not understand how to spread smiles.

And I am sorry, dear friend, for letting you down,
Disappointment  hangs heavy above you,
I am sorry I couldn’t be the one to bring you happiness.

I must say goodbye, leave you to pick up,
The pieces of your life I left disarray,
But please know, I shall always love you and miss you.

I go sailing to a land far away,
But I have no home to run back to,
Forgive me dear friend, for leaving you a mess.

~*~*~

Night

Moonlight

~*~*~

The stars shine brightly in the sky,
Like the glittering petals of roses in the sun.
Melancholy hangs heavy in the air,
Like the fragrance of a thousand gardenias.
The heart yearns for a past forgotten,
Where empty words were once echoed.

The touch of the silver moonlight
Sends a chill running through the air.
The mind feels elated as the wind touches the cheeks,
Though it is cold, inside there is only warmth.
As the mind forays ahead seeking adventures,
Under the keen eye of this sad silence.

The crickets chirp their midnight song,
Fireflies dance to the tune of the wind.
The feet touching the soft grass feel lighter,
As they too begin to sway to the rhythm.
The sorrow blows with a deafening song,
A song to soothe the nostalgia in the soul.

Drops of honey scented rain begin to fall,
Softly drenching the turmoils of the heart.
The pain, the anger, the darkness, washes away,
All that remains is a dose of bittersweetness.
And the heart grows wings and sings its song,
Of joyful tomorrows, and dolorous yesteryears.

Was this sorrow always a part of the will,
The will to feel, the will to live, the will to die?
For without it, I can feel no joy.

~*~*~

The above has been written for Week 25 Thursday Poet’s Rally.