Tag Archives: pain

Passion

Crushed (Google Search: http://jayavictor.blogspot.com/2010/11/crushed-rose-petals.html)

~*~*~

Sleep has come a long way
From the doors closed upon it,
And the dancing snowflakes
Like fluttering memories
Drift over closed eyelids,
And I can no longer tell
Whether you are a dream
Or waking consciousness.

I want to suffer for you,
This passion I feel is endless,
I want to replace your tears
With drops of my blood,
Take your agony into my heart
And leave you with your bliss
Unharmed by sweet realities
I want to take that frown
And turn it upside down,
I just want to give
And take nothing in return.

I am awake now
Brutally aware of my existence,
Little escapes my senses,
Paper-cuts leave me empty
Yet I feel too much,
How many pages will I waste
With random marks in blue ink,
And this frigid world
Bids me to kneel with empty hands,
There is nowhere to run,
Nor anything to keep me here.

I can feel your warmth
Starting in the palm of my hands,
It is all that I care for
In this frozen life I live,
My passion burns with a fervor,
As it consumes me from inside,
I long to see your face
Though you are so far away,
Remember the sadness you took away
From the depths of my heart?
I long to hold it in my hands
And crush it.

~*~*~

Words

~*~*~

As a child, I was always told,
Never to use the word “hate”,
For feelings of real hatred
Are always more vehement,
Than words we say in anger,
These words that sting like poison.

They forgot to tell me,
That the word “love”
Is much stronger when used,
And harsher when said in vain,
Especially if you are at
The receiving end, waiting.

~*~*~

Obstacles

“The Street Urchin” by Antonio Mancini

~*~*~

As a boy, he never knew the meaning of a roof,
Living among the stars, and gutter walls,
Climbing trees and mountain peaks,
Just to survive as days went passing by.

This little boy, knew no other life,
Than the life on the lonely streets,
Where insults were given more generously than food,
And best friends were these means of stealth.

Feeling the emptiness of hunger and cold,
As he slept on the hard sidewalks,
Yet still he dreamed of doing great deeds,
For what are dreams but the voices of our heart?

So this little boy, who never drowned in tears,
Threw away from himself the basest of his fears,
And took it upon himself to be a great man,
Yet told himself to never forget his humble roots.

It was a challenging road, he chose to take,
Trying to learn without being taught,
Sometimes finding he must choose between two wrongs,
The obstacles blocking the road were endless.

His eyes shone brightly as he studied on the streets,
His thirst for knowledge burning brightly,
Days passed by, days which turned into years,
And he grew to be a made man, off the streets.

No more sleeping on the sidewalks under the rain,
Nor doing petty tasks to make a penny for grain,
Yet as he walked down the roads of his childhood,
He remembered the feeling of poverty.

And when bright eyes peeked through the shadows,
Helpless, cold, and hungry,
The now turned man passed on the gift of knowledge,
As the greatest gift one can give to the helpless.

~*~*~

When one sets their mind to achieve something,
When one decides that they must learn,
What are obstacles but petty nuisances,
To be forgotten, once overcome.

~*~*~

The Art of Longing

Dead Rose

~*~*~

Sometimes you pine for what you’ve never had,
Sometimes you pine for what you’ve lost,
And cry rivers for unrequited love,
When you’ve lost more than what it cost.

Yet never do you learn to appreciate,
The wildflowers peeking through the cracks,
When red roses wilt, wither, and die, you mourn,
Though wildflowers strive to brighten up the track.

These roads leading to the walls of your heart
Can be tread by a select few,
Yet you never care to take the path,
Of one whose heart beats just for you.

And then you say there is no one in this world,
Who can stand by your side for life.
For the ones you would follow to the end,
Are the ones who left in the midst of strife.

So you pine for what you’ve never had,
You pine for what you’ve lost,
And continues this vicious mess,
Where you gain nothing more than loss.

~*~*~

 

Lessons

Lost in Space and Time

~*~*~

Are there pain killers for a broken heart?
For the ache intensifies all through the day.
Exhaustion clings fast, pulling me under the waves.
The tears soak my pillow, as my eyes close for the night.

Maybe life takes us for a rough ride,
So we can appreciate the streaks of joy,
In this otherwise disenchanting life.

I never thought, before words slipped my mouth,
And you knew more than I cared to tell.
Yet, never did I stop this stream of thoughts,
I just believed you would always understand.

I never felt the need to hide myself,
From the people who mattered to me most,
Only that I never meant enough to them.

Oceans of regret lay in front of me,
My impulsiveness always leading to roads,
Of mistakes I never had intentions to make,
But actions based on raw emotion always lead to misery.

Though I always find myself drowning in fits of emotion,
Sometimes the recklessness of the heart pays off,
In rare moments of absolution.

I could never stand to be disappointed,
Always taking to heart words spoken by another,
Trusting where I never should have dared to trust,
Only to face these demons called frustration.

The heart is naive, like an innocent child,
Sometimes it needs to feel this disillusionment,
To grow wise with regard to this unfair world.

What did I not do to keep this thread from breaking?
Yet, still did the thread sever, without a hint,
Of even the faintest weakness,
And I found myself falling to the ground.

The ground was hard, and unfriendly,
Yet had I not been hurt so badly,
How could my real friends have picked me up?

Always did I try to understand, another’s circumstances,
Though I was rarely understood,
And the voices in my head still haunt me,
Why should I not judge, when others always do.

Yet, how could I have chosen to be critical of their actions,
For what right do we have to judge,
When we ourselves are flawed?

In this world where honesty and ethics have no place,
Still did I try my best to do the right.
Often I found myself being left behind,
Even by those for whom I took a strong stand.

Had I faltered in my choices between right and wrong,
The guilt would have followed me around for life,
Like the pain seeping through the walls of this prison.

It is only with sadness, with the taste of salty tears,
That we learn to appreciate the ring of laughter.
It is only with mistakes and failures,
That we learn to pick ourselves up when we fall.

So I walk this road ahead of me,
As a smile touches the corners of my lips,
And I walk into the embracing arms of life.

~*~*~

Note: No internet connection at home, so it will be hard for me to reply to posts and visit fellow bloggers. I would just like to Apologize in advance. Have a great weekend!

Demons

Demons of the Past

~*~*~

The demons of our past stand naked,
Running free through the fields of our mind.
And we hide, we hide from ourselves,
This past which cannot be denied.

The ranger passes through, singing,
And the mist does slowly disappear.
Yet the demons go on cowering,
In these songs we hold so dear.

Raging through the wild dust storms,
These demons bring naught but strife.
Lurking, waiting, to pounce upon us,
As we go about trying to live this short life.

The rain pours, and the willow whispers,
Yet all that can be heard are the voices.
These demons, always screaming in the head,
Of the past, and once made choices.

Exhaustion seeps into the mind so silently,
Exacerbating the insanity within these thoughts.
The demons feed with such power,
The battle seems lost even before it has been fought.

Somewhere along the paths of destruction,
Lie the shadows that evolve from the light.
And these demons striving so hard to kill from within us,
Too must die at the hands of the fading night.

~*~*~

I bow down to the demons,
For I was but a truant,
Waiting in the darkness,
Never stepping into the light.

~*~*~

And fellow bloggers and readers, I am back! I am just too much in love with writing to take a break. Glad the phase is over, glad that I could make up my mind.

False Promises

I recently watched a movie, Where the Wild Things Are, and I felt it was one of the most wonderful movies I’ve watched lately. Though it made me very sad, because somewhere I could relate to Max, except the ending, where he at least finds a reason to smile. Well, the following has been influenced a bit by the movie, though not completely.

Where the Wild Things Are

~*~*~

Today I feel unwanted, my eccentricity,
Pulling me down under the waves of life.
I am sorry, I couldn’t be better.

The waves of the ocean, so beautiful,
Glittering like diamonds lost,
Taking the weak, leaving the strong.

I tried to be the ruler of the world,
To take away all the sorrow and pain,
But I could awaken only false hopes and dreams.

The sands, coming from eroding stone,
Swirling in the yellow desert,
Until no sands are left at all.

I thought I could bring happiness into your life,
By building up a world for me and you,
A world you thought you could only dream of.

The mountains and rivers,
And boat rides down the hill,
It’s a beautiful world you wished to builid.

I tried hard, with you by my side,
To build up from scratch, this paradise,
Which was supposed to bury all the sadness and pain.

The owls go circling up overhead,
Giving advice when asked in seven words,
But I could not understand how to spread smiles.

And I am sorry, dear friend, for letting you down,
Disappointment  hangs heavy above you,
I am sorry I couldn’t be the one to bring you happiness.

I must say goodbye, leave you to pick up,
The pieces of your life I left disarray,
But please know, I shall always love you and miss you.

I go sailing to a land far away,
But I have no home to run back to,
Forgive me dear friend, for leaving you a mess.

~*~*~