~*~*~
I had been falling
For so long
And came so far down
That I had forgotten
What it was that I was falling in
Until the realization
Crossed my mind
That I had fallen
Into a bottomless pit
Called love
~*~*~
Falling into Infinity
Tag Archives: heartbreak
Bitter
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“In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said, ‘Is it good, friend?’
It is bitter — bitter,’ he answered,
But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart.”
-Stephen Crane
~*~*~
Wither goes the sounds from within?
The moans, the cries, the agony,
Felt once, but betrayed forevermore,
Like the death of a dream
Once brought back to life,
But left more dead than alive in its wake.
The scars run deeper than the surface tells,
For they eat the will from the inside,
Tearing apart the flesh of the soul
Leaving a carcass behind for the vultures,
Always circling high above the desert sand,
Waiting for the faintest trace of decay.
It is bitter, these words hanging in the air,
Like wings cut off in dark despair,
For all false hopes are found out someday,
Strangling the ties that are thrown away,
No matter how hard the heart strives to speak,
Silence is all that the listener seeks.
Twisting in the sand like a wired mouse,
Dripping on the page, ink as black as coal,
The raven cries, far in the distance, a warning,
To save the pieces of a shattering heart,
But the warning is lost in translation,
And the heart is roasted over an open flame.
This bitterness seeps into the very flesh,
Like powdered tablets to numb the pain,
It is drunk down quickly, but the taste lingers,
Of this heart so beat and broken,
And this flavor has become an addiction,
So strong, it is all that keeps me alive.
~*~*~
Dew
~*~*~
Dew drops glistened
In the morning light,
Refracted rays,
Reflections returned.
But as the sun rose high,
The drops did disappear,
Leaving behind nothing,
But glittering green grass.
Maybe they expect more,
Than I have the power to give,
And every time they ask,
I watch a piece of my heart break,
The ache it leaves behind,
Never goes away.
Yet how do I explain what I feel?
This turmoil inside of me?
Is not this life my own to live?
What they see as a path of darkness,
I see as a road full of lights,
Why is it that every avenue,
I must take, should have been tread,
By a million more before me?
The dew drops of yesterday,
Have dried, but left behind stains,
Like scars hardened over time,
Scars that mend, but never dissolve.
I know not if the dew of tomorrow
Can fill the emptiness left behind,
But until such diamonds form again,
This grass shall lie untouched,
And alone.
~*~*~
Words
~*~*~
As a child, I was always told,
Never to use the word “hate”,
For feelings of real hatred
Are always more vehement,
Than words we say in anger,
These words that sting like poison.
They forgot to tell me,
That the word “love”
Is much stronger when used,
And harsher when said in vain,
Especially if you are at
The receiving end, waiting.
~*~*~
The Art of Longing
~*~*~
Sometimes you pine for what you’ve never had,
Sometimes you pine for what you’ve lost,
And cry rivers for unrequited love,
When you’ve lost more than what it cost.
Yet never do you learn to appreciate,
The wildflowers peeking through the cracks,
When red roses wilt, wither, and die, you mourn,
Though wildflowers strive to brighten up the track.
These roads leading to the walls of your heart
Can be tread by a select few,
Yet you never care to take the path,
Of one whose heart beats just for you.
And then you say there is no one in this world,
Who can stand by your side for life.
For the ones you would follow to the end,
Are the ones who left in the midst of strife.
So you pine for what you’ve never had,
You pine for what you’ve lost,
And continues this vicious mess,
Where you gain nothing more than loss.
~*~*~
Motion Blur
~*~*~
I am standing very still,
As I watch this life pass me by,
Without waiting for me to catch up.
They all moved on, from this moment,
But I found myself stuck, feet planted,
Just distant thoughts of evanescent dreams,
Reaching out to pull me back to the present.
And I am stuck in time,
Unable to take a step forward,
And I cannot go back.
The naïvety of love drowned in me,
The innocence to trust unconditionally.
Now I pine constantly to feel without pain,
To reach a state of being comfortably numb.
I watch the colors merge into white,
As they envelop me in a swirling wind,
And I find, time has passed me by.
The thoughts have become a blur,
I cannot fathom where one begins and another ends.
Yet I can still see myself clearly,
Standing in the midst of this bedlam.
The voices from the past echo,
Through the crevices of my mind,
But all I can hear is noise.
I was always so caught up in this inner strife,
I had forgotten what it meant to breathe.
Soon even the voices in my head passed me by,
And I found myself trapped behind these bars.
The footsteps can be heard,
Ringing through the silence,
But they can never be seen.
My footsteps were lost in the illusion of space,
No matter where I turned,
I was greeted, by only darkness.
And I could hear the distant siren of a train.
The siren of the train too was a blur,
Decoded from the depths of time,
Heard so faintly I thought it to be a lie.
I went running, trying so hard to catch up,
Out of breath, but trying harder,
That I might reach the handle of this train,
But the train of life left, it carried on without me.
There is only one thing to do now,
To start over from scratch,
And learn to walk hand-in-hand with time.
~*~*~
Note: The above photograph was found Here. I was greatly inspired by it to write the above piece.
Note #2: Apologies to everyone who has been commenting on my blog and not getting comments in return, or receiving them very late. I don’t have Internet connection at home right now, because of which all blogging I do, has to be done from work. It is not always the easiest place to blog from, and over the last few days though I have come to my office to use the Internet, couldn’t quite find time to visit everyone. I will get down to it as soon as possible, which should be soon as I think either today or tomorrow my Internet connection at home should be activated. Thank you to everyone reading this!
Lessons
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Are there pain killers for a broken heart?
For the ache intensifies all through the day.
Exhaustion clings fast, pulling me under the waves.
The tears soak my pillow, as my eyes close for the night.
Maybe life takes us for a rough ride,
So we can appreciate the streaks of joy,
In this otherwise disenchanting life.
I never thought, before words slipped my mouth,
And you knew more than I cared to tell.
Yet, never did I stop this stream of thoughts,
I just believed you would always understand.
I never felt the need to hide myself,
From the people who mattered to me most,
Only that I never meant enough to them.
Oceans of regret lay in front of me,
My impulsiveness always leading to roads,
Of mistakes I never had intentions to make,
But actions based on raw emotion always lead to misery.
Though I always find myself drowning in fits of emotion,
Sometimes the recklessness of the heart pays off,
In rare moments of absolution.
I could never stand to be disappointed,
Always taking to heart words spoken by another,
Trusting where I never should have dared to trust,
Only to face these demons called frustration.
The heart is naive, like an innocent child,
Sometimes it needs to feel this disillusionment,
To grow wise with regard to this unfair world.
What did I not do to keep this thread from breaking?
Yet, still did the thread sever, without a hint,
Of even the faintest weakness,
And I found myself falling to the ground.
The ground was hard, and unfriendly,
Yet had I not been hurt so badly,
How could my real friends have picked me up?
Always did I try to understand, another’s circumstances,
Though I was rarely understood,
And the voices in my head still haunt me,
Why should I not judge, when others always do.
Yet, how could I have chosen to be critical of their actions,
For what right do we have to judge,
When we ourselves are flawed?
In this world where honesty and ethics have no place,
Still did I try my best to do the right.
Often I found myself being left behind,
Even by those for whom I took a strong stand.
Had I faltered in my choices between right and wrong,
The guilt would have followed me around for life,
Like the pain seeping through the walls of this prison.
It is only with sadness, with the taste of salty tears,
That we learn to appreciate the ring of laughter.
It is only with mistakes and failures,
That we learn to pick ourselves up when we fall.
So I walk this road ahead of me,
As a smile touches the corners of my lips,
And I walk into the embracing arms of life.
~*~*~
Note: No internet connection at home, so it will be hard for me to reply to posts and visit fellow bloggers. I would just like to Apologize in advance. Have a great weekend!
Demons
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The demons of our past stand naked,
Running free through the fields of our mind.
And we hide, we hide from ourselves,
This past which cannot be denied.
The ranger passes through, singing,
And the mist does slowly disappear.
Yet the demons go on cowering,
In these songs we hold so dear.
Raging through the wild dust storms,
These demons bring naught but strife.
Lurking, waiting, to pounce upon us,
As we go about trying to live this short life.
The rain pours, and the willow whispers,
Yet all that can be heard are the voices.
These demons, always screaming in the head,
Of the past, and once made choices.
Exhaustion seeps into the mind so silently,
Exacerbating the insanity within these thoughts.
The demons feed with such power,
The battle seems lost even before it has been fought.
Somewhere along the paths of destruction,
Lie the shadows that evolve from the light.
And these demons striving so hard to kill from within us,
Too must die at the hands of the fading night.
~*~*~
I bow down to the demons,
For I was but a truant,
Waiting in the darkness,
Never stepping into the light.
~*~*~
And fellow bloggers and readers, I am back! I am just too much in love with writing to take a break. Glad the phase is over, glad that I could make up my mind.
Summer
~*~*~
Summer has come and gone,
And the fragrance of these soft memories,
Hang heavy in the air.
Leaving traces of a life I once had,
Lingering on in the touch of your breath,
Fleeting, always fleeting, never to be caught,
These memories I have tried so hard to hang on to.
Memories, forgotten or destroyed.
~*~*~
False Promises
I recently watched a movie, Where the Wild Things Are, and I felt it was one of the most wonderful movies I’ve watched lately. Though it made me very sad, because somewhere I could relate to Max, except the ending, where he at least finds a reason to smile. Well, the following has been influenced a bit by the movie, though not completely.
~*~*~
Today I feel unwanted, my eccentricity,
Pulling me down under the waves of life.
I am sorry, I couldn’t be better.
The waves of the ocean, so beautiful,
Glittering like diamonds lost,
Taking the weak, leaving the strong.
I tried to be the ruler of the world,
To take away all the sorrow and pain,
But I could awaken only false hopes and dreams.
The sands, coming from eroding stone,
Swirling in the yellow desert,
Until no sands are left at all.
I thought I could bring happiness into your life,
By building up a world for me and you,
A world you thought you could only dream of.
The mountains and rivers,
And boat rides down the hill,
It’s a beautiful world you wished to builid.
I tried hard, with you by my side,
To build up from scratch, this paradise,
Which was supposed to bury all the sadness and pain.
The owls go circling up overhead,
Giving advice when asked in seven words,
But I could not understand how to spread smiles.
And I am sorry, dear friend, for letting you down,
Disappointment hangs heavy above you,
I am sorry I couldn’t be the one to bring you happiness.
I must say goodbye, leave you to pick up,
The pieces of your life I left disarray,
But please know, I shall always love you and miss you.
I go sailing to a land far away,
But I have no home to run back to,
Forgive me dear friend, for leaving you a mess.
~*~*~
Inside the Mind of a Lunatic 