Coffee Addiction

 

~*~*~

A coffee addiction,
Growing stronger each day,
And I find I cannot,
Keep my eyes open,
I find I cannot focus,
Without a sip of,
Without the scent of,
Coffee in the air.
The beans tell stories,
Of lives they have lived,
Filling the air with richness,
To make up for our lack,
Of life each day.

Maybe I am searching,
For truth in these beans,
My mind is muddled,
With garbage,
My thoughts are hazy,
And I am always pining,
For clarity in my life,
The life I didn’t ask to live.
The aroma weaves,
Through the soul,
Like the wand of a magician,
Creating illusions,
Binding them to reason,
And still a sense of wonder,
Hangs on to the pinnacle of the mind,
Before the thoughts take a leap,
Into the abyss below.

I never wanted
My mind to wander,
Into unfathomable lands,
Straying from my needs,
To a land of only wants,
Where reason and practicality,
Have no place,
Where my heart works against,
The rationality of my mind.

The fragrance of coffee keeps me sane,
A temporary sanity throughout the day,
Until I have drunk too much,
And my head starts spinning,
I know not any longer,
Why the heart yearns,
For pasts thrown away,
And impossible futures,
Why the mind knows reason,
But acts irrationally,
Why does only the unattainable,
Appeal to this brat of a mind?

A voice like a whisper,
Catches me off my guard,
Through this coffee addiction,
A voice of reason can still be heard,
And I know days of withdrawal,
Are needed now,
After which I will be fine,
Smiling as always,
Still seeking the unknown,
But this time I won’t get lost.

~*~*~

Stranger

Winding Road by deadpoet88

~*~*~

Howdy Stranger,
Here you are, just passing by,
Won’t you stay a while,
And share a piece of your mind?
I promise, I will sit here listening,
To the stories you’ve got to tell
Of your wandering and pondering,
And the longing of your heart.

I once had rivers of words to share,
But now my river runs dry,
For I find myself become colder as I grow older,
And my yearnings have been set aside.
Don’t let that stop you from speaking,
For it does not mean that I do not care,
This is all I cherish now, oh Stranger,
To remember as time passes me by.

Was the road long and winding,
The road that brought you here?
Who do you remember the best,
From all the faces you hold dear?
My road was straightforward,
But my stubborn soul took a detour,
And never could I find my road again,
Now I’m a lost wanderer, trying to get home.

Where are you heading, dear Stranger,
Do you even know, or do you just wander,
Looking for a whim to hold your hand,
As you follow in blindfolds?
Choose your whims carefully,
And peek through the cracks
To make sure you don’t wander too far
From all that you have come to care for.

It’s almost time for you to leave,
To catch up with the winding river,
As it guides you to the greater ocean,
Where I hope you find what you’re searching for.
I know, you will never look back
At this careless moment,
And the only sign that you were here
Will be this melted candle wax left behind.

~*~*~

A Lunatic’s Poem

Anchor – Found via Google Image Search

~*~*~

There is a dream
That comes back to me
Over and over again
Like the broken ties
Of a friendship
Long forgotten
The early memories
Are hazy at the edges
And I am no longer sure
Whether I dreamed up
My entire life
Or my dreams
Are figments of reality.

The faces are crystal clear
But I feel detached,
Like a third person
Observing from above
Helplessly watching
As the doors open and close
And I know the danger
But not once have I
Successfully stopped myself
From accepting or declining
The roads and their given doors.

So I walk, like a zombie,
Winding as the road winds
Aimlessly searching
For a hint of reality
Longing to feel more
Than the cold tin
Lodged in my heart
For I have seen
The selfish creature
Which resides
In the depths of my soul
And this creature
Consumes me in its flames
But though I burn
No one sees me burning
Until they too have been singed.

There is a deep darkness
Which seeped into my soul
And I learned to love it
As one would love a child
But now it weighs upon me
Like an anchor
Keeping me rooted
While I long to sail away
For now there is much more
To love in this life
And a choice is hanging
Heavy over my head
Either the anchor keeps me here
Or I let go and sail the seas.

I have pondered too much now
Sweet slumber falls heavy
Upon my eyelashes
But I long to stay wide awake
For the world never sleeps
And I long to feel alive
From within for a change
I long to feel some warmth
Inside of my cold soul
But alas, sleep is upon me
Like a tyrant with his demands
And the words flutter away
Even before they hit my pillow.

~*~*~

The Storm

Winter is Coming

I sat still, listening to the trees dancing
To the whim of the indecisive wind,
But when I looked outside my window
I found the trees were as frozen as statues.

Only then did the real magic start
As a cascade of  leaves twirled down
Spinning round and round
With the frantic motions of the wind.

Each dance I watched, mesmerized,
As branches whipped and lashed the skies,
With each dance I watched of the falling leaves,
The more in the magic of nature did I believe.

The snowflakes joined in the symphony,
As the leaves floated like birds soaring high in the sky,
The trees swayed with the strong currents,
Their branches threatening to touch the ground.

The long awaited storm arrived in all its glory
And brought with it a deep calm and much joy.
I have always loved the sound of loud thunder
And the drops of rain splashing on my window.

Self Reflections/Despicable Me

Broken (Google Image Search)

 ~*~*~

Maybe I am only good at creating wounds
Deep lacerations that leave behind scars
Which may heal but can never be erased.
Time has told me that one cut is never enough
I don’t want to cause the pain you are feeling
But I cannot stop myself once the words are out.

Imagine living as I do, knowing the wrongs I do
Yet being forced to see my face in the mirror
The face I wish I could damage permanently.
I know the monster that resides inside my soul
I have tried to escape, but it always finds me
And becomes one with the weakness in my mind.

I am a selfish thing, locked in the body of humanity,

Until now, I never knew I cared for myself so dearly,
But I see my selfishness always has the upper hand.

I feel ashamed of what I have become

Yet I take not a single action to become better

Instead I walk down the road to degradation.

I suck the life out of every soul close to me

It is the only art I have come to learn over the years
An art which I have mastered to perfection.

And when wrongs are done to me
I take the role of the victim, declare all is unfair
No wrongs are acceptable when done to me.

Time and time again, I realize why I am alone,
Why would one willing get wounded

When I have absolutely nothing else to offer?

What friends do I deserve, how can I be loved?
When I take it all for granted, when I throw it all away,

For I have never learned to see past the despicable me.

~*~*~

Strangers are Our Friends

Finding Beauty in the Ordinary (by deadpoet88)

~*~*~

I know what it is to be alone
In the midst of friends
And I know how deeply
This loneliness is perceived
Than if I were a solitary soul
Wandering down a solitary road.

I know how frantically
We cling to the first soul
That notices our existence
We hang on to the first kind word
Spoken through the winter
That has settled and made us cold.

And I know, I know
That words are just words
Just flimsy strings of frost
That melt when the sun rises
As kind words are forgotten
Once the stranger sees your soul.

For years I have been taught
That real friends are strangers
Only they understand the heart
While people known see the soul
Ugly and bare, unworthy of friendship
And leave for better unknowns.

Yet the heart is stubborn
And yet grieves for smiles lost
It still remembers the fleeting joy
Still longs for the warmth of a smile
And still clings to the friendliest voice
That rings through the depths of time.

~*~*~

Today morning I woke up after seeing a very strange dream. In it I saw a childhood friend (with whom I had had a fallout back then) now grown. It was weird, she seemed excited to see me and it was almost like we were good friends. Don’t want to go into details of that dream, but it got me thinking about my childhood. I have always cherished my childhood, even though I wasn’t always liked at school. I remembered today how stupid fights would happen and suddenly one would stop talking to their best friend, or a group of friends would just single out a person in the group and ignore them. I actually learned to stop trusting friends at that point of time. When I moved to India things changed, no more of such incidents, but over time I guess few friendships really survive. The vigor of friendship eventually fades away, and you find yourself in the midst of people who you call friends by name but who probably won’t even notice you exist (or the other way around). Or maybe I was just never very lucky with friends, constantly ignoring those who cared for me the most, and always wanting to gain the attention of those who didn’t really consider me as close as I considered them. I know for sure that I have had a huge hand in many friends lost, and as much as I regret losing them, I know that it would be useless trying to get them back. Damage once done cannot be undone.

The Clock is Ticking

The Sands of Time (Google Image Search)

~*~*~

I’ve always been looking for silence
But the ticking clock only grows louder
With every second lost to the past.

I find it strange sometimes,
How I only want to be an observer
Rather than a participant in the game of life.

The winds of change are ever blowing,
And I am swept up off my feet
When all I want to do is stand still
And breathe in the cool air.

The sands of my consciousness
Slip through my fingers and fall
Till I am lost in sweet slumber
With silent hopes of never waking.

I know now that I wish for nothing
Yet my heart still sighs for freedom
Maybe someday I shall be forgiven
Or maybe roads are meant to be lonely.

Looking back, I sometimes wonder
Whether I did a single thing right
Maybe my intentions weren’t always bad
But the outcomes never turned out as planned.

I have come to know myself
And the truth in all my lies
I am not who I thought I was,
How can I believe in what was never there?

The road I am walking leads nowhere
But I do not feel unhappy
Knowing of my futile existence,
Maybe I would not have it any other way.

The clock is ticking this life away
Every moment is just an echo
Of the disillusionment I have come to feel.

I am waiting every sleepless night
For the dawn to break upon my world
And play this delusive game of chance.

~*~*~

A Heart Touched, A Soul Moved

The Muse’s Visit

~*~*~

The song had not left
The tip of her tongue,
Had not been penned in ink,
Or thought out in blood,
Before it filled in her heart
The wondrous joy of its coming.

Never had she met one
She could adore more,
Than the voice of a Songbird,
Singing deep and sad lore,
Of her wisdom gained,
And lovers lost to time.

Nor ever did she feel complete,
Without her favorite tune
Playing on the radio,
Electric guitar, and drumbeats,
To take her high and bring her low,
And finally settle for acoustic strings.

The poetry bled from her pen,
Onto pages waiting to be read,
Words that wrote themselves,
And she watched in wonder,
As each quivering page after another,
Filled with the ink of her thoughts.

Her dear Muse paid her a visit,
Bringing songs from afar as gifts,
And taking a little of her soul,
In the form of penned thoughts,
And music strummed from her guitar,
As a gift to the world beyond.

~*~*~

Two Words

Infinite Joy 😦