There is a staleness,
Deep inside of me,
A certain rot,
In my actions,
But I do not know
How to reverse
The effect of decay.
Has become moldy
I only think
Deep dark thoughts
The unnatural smell
Is that of my mind
Speak of decay
There is little
But black damp
Leaving me alone
With the stench
Of my rotten heart.
I should walk
With a warning sign
Hanging like a noose
Around my neck,
To keep all away
From the decay
In me, infectious
I dare to hope
Won’t hate me
For the darkness
And dark decay.
I know now,
I have always been,
Of the happiness
Most people receive,
And I know,
I was always a fool,
To long for the impossible,
To want something more,
For such things are given,
Only to people in the rainbows,
Never to dark souls like my own.
And now I have come
To accept this darkness,
Where I can hide
With my plastic smile,
And a knife in my hands,
To fend off all intruders,
I no longer wish for light,
As the darkness is my only friend,
And I know I am safe here,
From the turning of the world,
I have come to accept
My everlasting solitude,
And I long for nothing more.
It was a whirlwind that caught us
And spun us round and round
Before throwing us back to the ground.
We found ourselves scattered
Our lives in complete disarray
And the pieces strewn helter-skelter
Taking us on roads winding and far away.
We always looked for adventure,
But of a peaceful disposition,
Unlike the storm that churned us out
Rampaging all in its path
Till the only solid form left behind
Was the shards of our broken heart,
Our shattered soul, and tired mind.
The pieces fit together like a puzzle,
And we knew we could build up
The house that was torn down
But the willpower was lacking,
And one of us gave up half way
While the other was left to pick up
The pieces, and wander alone.
There is no loneliness felt stronger,
Than that felt in the midst of the crowd.
And the mind is conflicted,
For often I long to be alone,
Especially if you’re nowhere to be found.
But when I hear the sounds of laughter
I sometimes want to be a different person.
I often think I am a contradiction
I wish for things I don’t like,
And throw away what is closest to my heart.
I puzzle over myself so often
I feel so torn sometimes, torn apart.
Sometimes I feel a strong instinct
To leave everything behind
To just catch a random bus to any city
With only a bag on my back
And disappear without having a second thought.
Then my daydreams come to an end
And I ponder, how much can I run?
A soft silence lingers in the wind,
As it winds along its destined path,
I walk under a veil of darkness
Shroud by the sound of an untamed sin.
And I listen to the leaves rustling
Around me like an orchestra
Threatening to sweep me off my feet
And down the chasms of space and time.
I don’t know where I am heading,
I do not stick to a worn out path
I am only wandering aimlessly
Searching for all that’s lost inside my soul.
The gravel sounds like a soft beat
Carrying forward broken bits of twig and leaf
My thought go randomly swirling
Into the dead of this winter night.
I’ve felt a hundred emotions
Steering me onto the road of insanity
But none have I felt more strongly
Than what I have felt in the depth of my heart.
Sometimes I get tired of feeling
I only long for an emptiness in thought
For everything only seems to overwhelm
And leave me lost in the chaos inside my soul.
I find myself running, running until I cannot be seen anymore…
Sleep has come a long way
From the doors closed upon it,
And the dancing snowflakes
Like fluttering memories
Drift over closed eyelids,
And I can no longer tell
Whether you are a dream
Or waking consciousness.
I want to suffer for you,
This passion I feel is endless,
I want to replace your tears
With drops of my blood,
Take your agony into my heart
And leave you with your bliss
Unharmed by sweet realities
I want to take that frown
And turn it upside down,
I just want to give
And take nothing in return.
I am awake now
Brutally aware of my existence,
Little escapes my senses,
Paper-cuts leave me empty
Yet I feel too much,
How many pages will I waste
With random marks in blue ink,
And this frigid world
Bids me to kneel with empty hands,
There is nowhere to run,
Nor anything to keep me here.
I can feel your warmth
Starting in the palm of my hands,
It is all that I care for
In this frozen life I live,
My passion burns with a fervor,
As it consumes me from inside,
I long to see your face
Though you are so far away,
Remember the sadness you took away
From the depths of my heart?
I long to hold it in my hands
And crush it.