Fear of the Dark

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“Why do you fear death?”

“Because I love life too much.”

“Though you know that this life means nothing? Though you know this world is just an illusion to turn you away from the path?”

“I believe in living for the moment, enjoying this life I’ve been given. Is it a sin to have fun? Is it a sin to enjoy worldly pleasures?”

“In fact, it is a sin if you forget your purpose. When death shall take you, none of this materialistic gain will save your soul from its fate.”

“Death is nothing I worry about. I have a long life. Why should I ruin the moment of my happiness by worrying about something that will come to me eras later? This doesn’t mean I do not fear death, for I do fear it and for this reason I disregard it as best I can.”

“You must worry about your soul’s fate if nothing else. Don’t let your happiness set a curse upon yourself. Death can either bring you salvation or eternal torment. It all depends on how you choose to live this life.”

“You do understand why I fear death. I’m afraid of that eternal torment, that life in what they call Hell. Maybe that’s why I choose to ignore it completely.”

“So you do accept the fact that you’ve been living a sinful life? If not, then why would you fear death and its eternal curse?”

“My life isn’t sinful, it’s just too happy. It’s too full of comforts, and this is what is the root cause of my fear. The materialistically happy die a gruesome death, suffering that eternal curse, that torture to the soul.”

“Once again you’re in denial. You regret your past, don’t you?”

“Mention not the forbidden.”

“You must wake up to reality and stop running away from your past. You must make amends for what you did back then, not waste the rest of your life away in sin. You must stop fearing death, and do the right thing. No one lives forever.”

“I’d like to tell myself that I will live forever. Yes, I will live forever. It’s easy for you to say, but even you know how difficult it is to fix your mistakes, fix your greatest sins.”

“Yet deep down inside you know the truth, no one lives forever. God isn’t cruel, he readily forgives those who apologize from their heart, who truly make amends for their sins. You still have time, you can still save your soul from the eternal curse bestowed upon you by your immature past.”

“I wish it were that easy, but you don’t understand. I have gone much too far in my life of sin and worldly comforts. Turning back now will not change the Lord’s mind about sending me to my curse.”

“Yes it will, if you make amends from the heart, you can still make it to the Palace in Heaven. If one has the willpower they can even move the very mountains. Saving your soul is much easier than that. If you want, I’ll be your guide in the process.”

“You cannot change the course of destiny. My soul was destined to be doomed, and it will be, no matter what I do. Plus I have gone so far into my lifestyle that I’ll never be able to let myself turn back. Even if you guide me, I know I’ll let you down.”

“You never were optimistic, were you? If you have the willpower, you can achieve anything, anything in the world.”

“My will is broken, long cast away. What can I do now?”

“Rebuild it.”

“It’s not that easy my friend. Nothing ever was, ever is, and ever will be.”

“Give up your sinful life.”

“I cannot. My family depends on its support. I cannot let them down. I cannot let the people who depend on me down. What I once did for myself is now being done for them. You would expect me to give up all my sinful money as well, and I’m afraid I cannot do that. I cannot take their support away from them. I’m sorry.”

“So you can sell your soul to the Devil, but you cannot start over again? Why do you fear death when you know you won’t do anything to change your fate? Death comes to all, some choose to change, and some don’t. Those who fear death work hard to change their fate, but you refuse to do any such thing. Why? Do you fear change even more? Or is it that you are just playing with me right now, pretending to fear death?”

“Why do you play with my mind in this way? Can’t you just let me be?”

“I’m only trying to help you. You still haven’t answered my question. Do you fear change more than you fear death?”

“I do not fear change, I fear failure. What if I do not succeed in changing my fate?”

“You will meet the same fate you are deemed to meet if you do nothing at all.”

“But there will be that shadow, that feeling of darkness, continuously nagging me, telling me I’m a failure.”

“No, there will be that voice which will tell you that at least you tried rather than just giving up right at the start. Just think, what if you succeed? Won’t that be the best thing ever? It’s better to fail in doing something rather than regretting never having done it.”

“You speak as if you have already conquered your fate and changed it. Have you?”

“I once committed a serious crime as well. Hard to believe now, isn’t it? Most who have heard this or know this, find it hard to believe. I have changed beyond recognition, I have changed so much, I myself find it hard to believe I once did what I did.”

“What is it that you did?”

“Would you really like to know?”

“Yes, yes I would. It cannot have been worse than my crime.”

“You’ll be surprised. Your crimes are nothing compared to mine. I was a murderer, a cold-blooded murderer. Escaped from prison, yes. I was a threat to the world, but I was religious at the same time. This is what saved me and made me who I am today.”

“When you killed, you didn’t remember you were a religious man?”

“When I killed, all I knew was that I had to see the bloodshed. It was a rampant rage, a furious vengeance. I still remember the day, that day long ago, it was a cold January morning in the year 1968. I was hardly seventeen when I took my revenge from the people who took my father’s life when I was a mere child.”

“You had a reason to kill though, it wasn’t cold-blooded murder! It was only revenge for what had happened years earlier.”

“Ah but you see, I killed his whole family, even the two year old child. If this isn’t plain cruelty, then what is? I was caught red-handed, and I was sentenced to death. I still remember the torment of death row. Yet I escaped and found my way to a church.”

“Church? Now I understand what you meant by religious.”

“No, I went there knowing I would find refuge if I confessed my crime to the Priest. This I did, and the blessed Priest changed my life forever. I left my country and started my life all over again. So you see, it isn’t impossible to make amends. Your sins aren’t nearly as bad as mine were. It’ll be so much easier for you to make a new start.”

“What you say is really hard to believe. Yet I know you speak the truth. Tell me, how long did it take you to make your peace with your fate?”

“I’m still in the process of it.”

“You see, I don’t have a whole lifetime left ahead of me to make amends. All will fail, I just know it.”

“My dear friend, you don’t need a whole lifetime to correct your mistakes. Did you murder anyone? No you didn’t, you just lived a corrupt life. Trust me when I say that is not nearly as bad as homicide. I need a whole lifetime to make amends, you just need a few years.”

“And if I fail?”

“Your position cannot get any worse than it is now.”

“I see you make sense. One thing I don’t understand is why you want to help me so much? I did nothing for you, in fact, I hardly know you. Are you just using me to help you make peace with the Lord?”

“Now, now my dear friend, I have known you for a whole year. How much longer should I know you to be able to help you? Plus you do realize that every good or bad thing a person does is purely because he has a selfish cause, don’t you? You are right about me just using you, but you do know that it will do you good as well, thus you will let me use you.”

“What you just said says a lot about your personality.”

“Is that so? Like what?”

“You’re not as chaste as you seem to be, friend. You are not as pure and religious as you claim to be.”

“You’re a clever chap, no one has ever recognized that part of me as yet. I’m beginning to think you’re a bit too clever.”

“Am I supposed to take that as a compliment?”

“You’re a fool of a person! You should know by now I do not flatter my victims. I’m surprised you have figured out an important point in my personality but you haven’t guessed exactly why I am here.”

“Victims? You do mean friends, right? Anyways, you’re here to change my life from what you’ve been telling me. You’re here to remove my fear of death, my fear of the dark.”

“Yes, that is by taking your life…” From under his shirt he pulled out a pistol and shot a bullet into the man’s forehead, killing him instantly. “Now you shall never fear death my good friend, you shall never fear the dark.”

~*~*~

So the above is a piece I wrote years ago, and going over it the other day, I kind of liked parts of it. I removed certain parts that sounded lame to me.