Panic was always the first thought,
Which crossed the fields of my mind,
As I sat pondering over the little troubles,
Flooding the vacuum with their presence.
Yet, never could I understand why big problems,
Were problems at all for those around me.
For sometimes life came too easy,
And I needed to watch myself fall.
Maybe I talk because I have nothing to say,
But only wish to fill the empty silence,
Of thoughts unspoken, thoughts unheard,
Thoughts running mad in space and time.
So nonsense spilled out from my heart,
In words hidden behind a veil,
Their meaning crystal clear to me,
Yet meaningless to all those who listened.
I always seemed reckless in the eyes of others,
Never taking responsibility for more than myself,
And hard work was a word alien to me,
Yet the ring of the phrase was so familiar.
I always said to myself that the future is waiting,
It will never be out of reach,
Yet somehow these roads leading to destruction,
Always tried to stray me from my goals.
Why is it that this sinking feeling attracts me,
Like a moth to a street lamp?
When all others around me do all they can,
To soar to the ends of the sky.
Stars look so beautiful, shining so brightly,
Unattainable in every respect,
Yet all I pine for is to touch them,
As they are all that keeps me rooted to the ground.
And I sit in silence, listening,
Hearing nothing, yet hearing all,
Thinking too little, thinking too much,
Searching for peace in the midst of chaos.
A little voice at the back of my mind,
Shouts out a single word,
Making me shudder to think,
That this is all that I’ve brought myself to…