Passion

Crushed (Google Search: http://jayavictor.blogspot.com/2010/11/crushed-rose-petals.html)

~*~*~

Sleep has come a long way
From the doors closed upon it,
And the dancing snowflakes
Like fluttering memories
Drift over closed eyelids,
And I can no longer tell
Whether you are a dream
Or waking consciousness.

I want to suffer for you,
This passion I feel is endless,
I want to replace your tears
With drops of my blood,
Take your agony into my heart
And leave you with your bliss
Unharmed by sweet realities
I want to take that frown
And turn it upside down,
I just want to give
And take nothing in return.

I am awake now
Brutally aware of my existence,
Little escapes my senses,
Paper-cuts leave me empty
Yet I feel too much,
How many pages will I waste
With random marks in blue ink,
And this frigid world
Bids me to kneel with empty hands,
There is nowhere to run,
Nor anything to keep me here.

I can feel your warmth
Starting in the palm of my hands,
It is all that I care for
In this frozen life I live,
My passion burns with a fervor,
As it consumes me from inside,
I long to see your face
Though you are so far away,
Remember the sadness you took away
From the depths of my heart?
I long to hold it in my hands
And crush it.

~*~*~

The Clock is Ticking

The Sands of Time (Google Image Search)

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I’ve always been looking for silence
But the ticking clock only grows louder
With every second lost to the past.

I find it strange sometimes,
How I only want to be an observer
Rather than a participant in the game of life.

The winds of change are ever blowing,
And I am swept up off my feet
When all I want to do is stand still
And breathe in the cool air.

The sands of my consciousness
Slip through my fingers and fall
Till I am lost in sweet slumber
With silent hopes of never waking.

I know now that I wish for nothing
Yet my heart still sighs for freedom
Maybe someday I shall be forgiven
Or maybe roads are meant to be lonely.

Looking back, I sometimes wonder
Whether I did a single thing right
Maybe my intentions weren’t always bad
But the outcomes never turned out as planned.

I have come to know myself
And the truth in all my lies
I am not who I thought I was,
How can I believe in what was never there?

The road I am walking leads nowhere
But I do not feel unhappy
Knowing of my futile existence,
Maybe I would not have it any other way.

The clock is ticking this life away
Every moment is just an echo
Of the disillusionment I have come to feel.

I am waiting every sleepless night
For the dawn to break upon my world
And play this delusive game of chance.

~*~*~

Welcome to the Machine

Welcome to the Machine. Taken From: http://pinkfloydandthesundancekid.wordpress.com/2007/11/16/welcome-to-the-machine/

~*~*~

Welcome to the machine, fellow human,
Whose senses have dulled over the years,
Placid stimulation gushes through your nerves,
Can you feel any real sensation anymore?

Welcome to the machine, rotten taste-buds,
Daily indulgence leads to monotone,
Until there lies no difference between
The tastiest food and distilled water.

Welcome to the machine, morbid minds,
All emotions are discarded as aberrations.
And the heavy perfume hides the stink
Of our decaying brains, intellectually deprived.

Welcome to the machine, hardened bodies,
The magical touch, the feel of frigid cold,
Or softness of skin on skin, has faded,
The only sensation left is that of numbness.

Welcome to the machine, dear humanity,
The machine which drones on,
In the background of our mind,
Taking with it the sound of silence.

Welcome to the machine, dulled musician,
For there are no differences left
Between traffic horns playing their symphony
And the notes flowing through the radio.

Welcome to the machine, plastic faces,
With layers of lies upon more lies,
Concealed so well it’s all that shines through.
And the only beauty seen is plastic smiles.

Welcome to the machine, dead dreamers,
Whose dreams were killed early in life,
And life was spent trying hard to avenge
The loss of the only thing that really mattered.

Welcome to the machine, hollow faces,
Where all personalities merge into one,
Programmed to breathe, programmed to live.
Programmed to be absolutely no one.

~*~*~

The above is greatly inspired by a song by Pink Floyd, “Welcome to the Machine”. I guess it has more to do with what the title and the music evokes in me than the actual lyrics of the song. I thought and thought about how the world works more like a machine, where we’re told to follow a set path, and become the plastic successful person with no real personality or dreams of his/her own. Yes, there is still a lot of variety, a lot of individualism, but somehow I believe that there isn’t enough of it. Then again I guess we all live in a little shell, and we only perceive things as we see them around us. We’re all little frogs in a well who haven’t seen the ocean, and some of us might never see the ocean. Anyways there I go rambling again.

Apologies for my lack of posts, I’ve been kind of busy, but more than that I’ve just been suffering from writer’s block. I hope to be back soon with something better, I know I’m not entirely happy with how this turned out. Hope all my fellow blogging friends are doing well. I apologize for my disappearance as well, will try my best to visit your blogs as soon as I possibly can.

A Vial of Tears

Capturing Tears (Image found via Google Image Search)

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And I’m falling
Falling till I can’t feel anymore,
Falling till my senses fade,
Leaving me with nothing
Except the memories of laughter
That I gave up long ago.

Tainted by thorns,
I lie like a dream unrequited,
Encumbered by the weight of existence,
Hanging heavy over the tears
That refuse to choke my voice,
And I am waiting
For the blood to surface
So I can have my taste of pain.

Solitary confinement,
Two words tingling my tongue,
For it is all that I have come to desire
Over the seconds that fly by
Keeping me locked in
With a feeling of despair,
I want to fly to a far off place
To bid my time alone
Till I lay down to close my eyes forever.

The laughing voices echo
From the depths of my past
‘This sound that I gave up long ago
For a vial of tears
More precious than diamonds
That light the night sky.

No tears, no sounds,
No vials of madness
Can make my heart long
To wish for more
Than the alms given,
Mendicants cannot dream
To be Kings.

But the tears too have left me,
How unreliable they have been
What must I depend on next
To keep my clock ticking?
The folly of these tears
Will not be forgotten
As the subterfuge
Of those lost sounds
Pierce my memory sharply,
Emotions are tricksters.

The glass lies broken,
The content spilled
Across the floor,
The thistle has overgrown,
The roses have died,
The tears slipped
And escaped me,
The laughter is long gone,
I’m left with only apathy,
With which to pick up
The broken shards of glass.

~*~*~

Loneliness

Alone (Found via Google Image Search)

~*~*~

Loneliness crept up slowly, unheard,
Like the madness set out to take over a soul,
And before I knew it, I could feel it in my bones,
This maddening loneliness would not leave me alone.

I could feel it stronger in the midst of the crowd,
Many smiling faces, but none could touch my heart,
All I wanted to do was run away from the noise,
Where I could be alone and feel my solitary warmth.

Familiar faces  distanced me with their words,
Strangers became easier to speak to, if required,
And afternoons spent alone in my little hole,
Became the best time I had ever spent, always alone.

Dreams of distant lands came to me often,
Where not a face knew me except my anonymity,
And I’d have a smile on my face, a song in my heart,
For this loneliness would be my supreme birthright.

So I built a shell around me, bit by bit,
A shell to hide from me the harsh sunlight,
A shell unbreakable, a shell so tight,
To keep my solitary happiness to myself.

Oh this Solitude, ’tis a vicious feeling that digs deeper,
Becoming an unwanted guest refusing to leave,
Making its home in the heart and mind,
Like a virus, incurable, bringing with it a sickness which stays.

~*~*~